Thank You Hillary

Reading my best friend's blog made me remember that I had started this blog and then I kind of just forgot about it. ADD, you ask? Well, no. BMD actually (Busy Mama Disorder). It is not contagious...don't worry.

It has been basically 7 months since my last blog. Wow. Noah is now 14. Jeremiah will be 11 in one month. It never ceases to amaze me that as each year passes and I should be feeling older I actually feel more shocked that I have children of these ages. I keep feeling younger. I keep feeling I cannot possibly have children that are in middle school and high school as of next month.

This past May Noah graduated from middle school and will be entering high school. But the really rough one is that Jeremiah graduated from elementary school and will be entering middle school. Something about that is really hard. I have been so involved at that school. I was the PTA president, on several committees, room mom for both of their classes all through elementary school. And now it is the end of this kinship. This "family" of sorts. Good times, challenging times, some people you are closer to than others but nevertheless- all connected with a united purpose.

Middle school and high school are such different worlds. It just doesn't feel the same. I did a couple of committees at the middle school when Noah first started there. I went to the PTA meetings, I volunteered at the book fair and at Greek Day. It just isn't the same. It is all so autonomous. You feel like there you are...alone...with a handful of other parents...alone...helping at a school that barely knows you are there. It is so big and impersonal. That jump was a hard one when Noah did it. Now with Jeremiah there too, it feels like I have truly cut the umbilical cord.

I just realized something as I wrote that.

The past 6 months I have been having baby fever. I have never had this feeling in my life and have been taken aback by it. I thought that it was because my best friend was pregnant with her 3rd child and SO incredibly happy. She was like Mother Earth, glowing and serene and beautiful. She loves being pregnant, as do I, and as I lived vicariously through her pregnancy with her I was filled with longing. I thought once she delivered this lovely new angel that I would remember all of the work of having a newborn and I would no longer have this desire to have another baby. I was there when this newest little 8lb and 13oz bundle of perfection came into this world and the feeling of wanting to start all over again did not subside, it only grew stronger.

I also thought this baby fever was because my wonderful boyfriend doesn't have a child of his own and I wanted to give that to him, I wanted to experience that with him. My ex husband was not very invested or involved with either of my pregnancies...not a very emotional or connected person in general and not a good father at all. So I have always longed for a partner who would relish in my pregnancy as much as I did. I thought that Stevie would do that. That we could share the most amazing miracle in the world together. I thought he would be so excited to be having a child that he would make the whole experience so beautiful. And I wanted to parent a child with someone that I can feel proud of, someone that I can trust to instill the same values and give the same love that I do to our child/children.

I am sure both of the above-mentioned reasons are part of the baby fever puzzle. But I just realized that Jeremiah leaving elementary school is a big part of it also. I feel I have now lost a piece of my connection to both of my boys. That school involvement and being welcomed at their school at any time kept them close to me. I knew every friend, I knew every parent, every teacher, every yard duty, every everything. Now I have to fight much harder for that connection to their everyday lives. It is slightly heart breaking.

Anyway, I will be trying to keep up with this more. I will also be renewing my vow to curb the foul language. A cursing jar maybe? I will have to self monitor though. It is soooo hard. Why does the *f* word have to feel so darn good?!?

Here are the boys at their graduations...

Wii Workout, Foul Mouth Failure & Trader Joe's

So I did work out yesterday. Last week I bought a boxing cardio workout to do on the kids Wii. Yesterday I opened up the box and got started. Nina, my cartoon character trainer, was not very encouraging. I mean, she said "good job" and "keep it up" but when I pressed the exit button after 20 minutes she didn't say "absolutely NOT, you've got more in you!" Am I expecting too much from her? I also would like everyone to know that I am so uncoordinated it is comical. You would never know it to look at me. I have truly perfected my walk and posture and the way I carry myself over my 33 years on this planet. I appear to be quite graceful. But if you were outside of my window yesterday afternoon you just might have considered calling 911 in fear that I was having a seizure. I am that lame while trying to follow exercise videos. So, in addition to my Wii workout, I set up 6 sessions of personal yoga with my friend Darby. I start next week. 2 days a week for 3 weeks. By then I think I will be motivated enough to continue it at the yoga studio.

My language was entirely in check all day but that is because I didn't talk to anyone. As soon as I began interacting with other human beings it all fell apart. I will try again today to remember that I can communicate effectively without bad language. That is my mantra.

Lastly, I went to Trader Joe's to get my soap that I love and some other various things I can only get there and I was noticing while I was there that everyone is much happier at TJ's than at, say, Pavillions. I am talking about the customers mostly because the Pavillions I go to, the employees are actually very nice and helpful- but the people shopping there are kinda grouchy and rude 8 out of 10 times. But not at good ol' Trader Joe's. Over there the people say hello and excuse me if they walk in front of you or need to get by you and everyone is smiling. It is so nice. It makes me wonder... does everyone feel that they are expected to have a hippie-ish, everybody love everybody demeanor BECAUSE they are at TJ's? OR is it that most people who shop at TJs are eating healthy things that nourish their bodies instead of whoppers, which makes them more balanced and happy? Whatever it is, it is lovely. Then as I was happily and slowly pulling out of my parking spot this car comes speeding into the parking lot and even though I am already half way out of my spot he doesn't wait. He swerves quickly around me and pulls into a spot a few spots away from me and I thought to myself 'I want him OUT! He doesn't belong here in this happy and peaceful place' Maybe Trader Joe's should be members only like Costco. But you have to fill out a survey about your personality instead of just paying a membership fee. Then we can keep this kind of riff-raff out.

A quick glossary in case anyone reads this besides my mom.

Me- Cassandra- 33, mother of 2, daughter of 1, kind of step daughter of 1, sister of 4 (3 brothers and 1 sister-in-law), aunt of 4, girlfriend of 1, friend of a handful.

Children- Noah (13) Jeremiah (10)

Mom- Mom

Sort of step dad- Frank

Brothers- Travis, Ben, Tim

Sister- Debbie

Nieces and Nephews- Elijah, Alannah, Ryan, Shannon

Boyfriend- Steve

Friends- You will learn as we go


Spaghetti Night at mom's house was wonderful. (Spaghetti Night is every Wednesday with the whole family) Everyone played Taboo and laughed and chatted until almost 10pm! Frank was making me laugh because we had to twist his arm to play but then he was addicted and didn't want to stop. Alannah was making me laugh because we had to practically tie her hands under the table or she describes things entirely with hand gestures. The girl should learn sign language- I bet she would be good at it! Fun night.

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Now with a creative blog title like that...how could it be anything but riveting?

New Years Resolutions

1) Stop being vulgar

Not long ago my 10 year old called his brother a turd bird. I realized in that moment, or soon thereafter, that this was much more creative than how I typically insult someone who is irritating me. Typical insults such as d***** bag or f***face or c***sucker are satisfying to say. They really are. They just feel good rolling off the tongue. But though they may feel good to say in the moment of frustration they are really quite unimaginative. We have this amazing language full of a million adjectives and the best I can come up with when I am describing a less than favorite person is "dipsh**"? It is really the lowest form of expression. I am better than that. AND I also realize that such language is not becoming of a lady such as myself. I really do have the mouth of a sailor. It's not right.

On the subject I found a book that broke the use of profanity into 5 categories...


Dysphemistic profanity – Exact opposite of euphemism. So to say someone "a little slow" instead of mentally challenged is a euphemism...a nice way of putting something. Dysphemistic profanity would be to say someone is a fucking retard instead of mentally challenged.

Abusive profanity – for abuse or intimidation or insulting of others.

Idiomatic profanity – swearing without really referring to the matter. Just using the words to arouse interest, to show off and express to peers that the setting is informal.

Emphatic swearing – to emphasize something with swearing.

Cathartic profanity – when something bad happens like coffee spilling, people curse.

I am guilty of all 5 which makes me categorically a big turd bird.


Resolution # 2) Stop getting fat.

Now any one of my friends or family members or a stranger walking down the street would roll their eyes here. I am tall and thin. I still look good in most clothes. Not so much in tight light colored stretchy pants. Or anything light colored draped over the general ass area is a bad idea. I just realized I said "ass" in regards to my gluteus maximus...is that considered a curse word? Hmmm, I will say that is a borderline profanity. I will from now on call my butt...my bum. I will also be freely using British expressions because they make me smile. So, as I was saying...I am not fat. Yet. I could be if I don't knock off this laziness. I used to work out. I liked it. Now the idea of putting down the plate of spaghetti and getting off the couch is simply loathsome. But it has got to stop. If I am obligated to write down here, for all the world to see, whether or not I exercised or not then maybe that will motivate me to actually engage in some form of physical activity.

So, those are my resolutions. Just 2. That's all I need to keep me busy. Signing off for today. Ah, my first blog completed...now if only taking a run or doing some sit ups were as easy.