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Now with a creative blog title like that...how could it be anything but riveting?

New Years Resolutions

1) Stop being vulgar

Not long ago my 10 year old called his brother a turd bird. I realized in that moment, or soon thereafter, that this was much more creative than how I typically insult someone who is irritating me. Typical insults such as d***** bag or f***face or c***sucker are satisfying to say. They really are. They just feel good rolling off the tongue. But though they may feel good to say in the moment of frustration they are really quite unimaginative. We have this amazing language full of a million adjectives and the best I can come up with when I am describing a less than favorite person is "dipsh**"? It is really the lowest form of expression. I am better than that. AND I also realize that such language is not becoming of a lady such as myself. I really do have the mouth of a sailor. It's not right.

On the subject I found a book that broke the use of profanity into 5 categories...


Dysphemistic profanity – Exact opposite of euphemism. So to say someone "a little slow" instead of mentally challenged is a euphemism...a nice way of putting something. Dysphemistic profanity would be to say someone is a fucking retard instead of mentally challenged.

Abusive profanity – for abuse or intimidation or insulting of others.

Idiomatic profanity – swearing without really referring to the matter. Just using the words to arouse interest, to show off and express to peers that the setting is informal.

Emphatic swearing – to emphasize something with swearing.

Cathartic profanity – when something bad happens like coffee spilling, people curse.

I am guilty of all 5 which makes me categorically a big turd bird.


Resolution # 2) Stop getting fat.

Now any one of my friends or family members or a stranger walking down the street would roll their eyes here. I am tall and thin. I still look good in most clothes. Not so much in tight light colored stretchy pants. Or anything light colored draped over the general ass area is a bad idea. I just realized I said "ass" in regards to my gluteus maximus...is that considered a curse word? Hmmm, I will say that is a borderline profanity. I will from now on call my butt...my bum. I will also be freely using British expressions because they make me smile. So, as I was saying...I am not fat. Yet. I could be if I don't knock off this laziness. I used to work out. I liked it. Now the idea of putting down the plate of spaghetti and getting off the couch is simply loathsome. But it has got to stop. If I am obligated to write down here, for all the world to see, whether or not I exercised or not then maybe that will motivate me to actually engage in some form of physical activity.

So, those are my resolutions. Just 2. That's all I need to keep me busy. Signing off for today. Ah, my first blog completed...now if only taking a run or doing some sit ups were as easy.